I Don’t

Marriage

Marriage is a common dream. The perfect moment where we are expected to find happiness… To feel content that the person standing opposite or next or sitting elsewhere is the one we’ve been waiting for all these years. There are age old dogmas which run in our society and the idea of marriage is one among them. Sure, it would have been the best practice years ago. But to keep following the same institution of marriage without posing questions about its practices in this era of enlightenment is a mistake.

There is a common tenet to exert dominance- both physical and sexual over a married woman by her husband. Sexual independence is only a dream to many women who feel bereft of having control over their own body. A UN survey says that 2/3 of married women are victims of marital rape. Marital rape is not an easy concept to be understood by many so to explain what it means, marital rape is when a married woman is physically or sexually abused by her husband without her consent.

Our society has been for long, driven by the idea of transaction that marriage also is being looked at as one. Matrimony is often seen as the transaction of ownership from the bride’s family to the groom. With such a transaction and signing of agreement, it is felt that open consent is given to dominate the woman involved and to reach any extent to implicate animalistic torture over her. Because naturally, she has been portrayed as a property according to this practice. There is a fault in the way people perceive marriage. It has shifted from the combination of hearts leading to asserting and establishing love for each other, to a menial idea of open and always available medium for sex.

The awareness about marital rape is so minimal that most women think of it to be a general practice. It is looked upon as a part in the process of getting married. The doctrine of ‘Pathi-Parameshwar’, wherein servitude to one’s husband is paramount is repulsive and to explain against it would only end futile. But how long can someone bear to stand such a torture. Stress after marriage increases abruptly for women due to various reasons, ill-treatment being the first. This is why as per another study, every six hours a married woman is forced to commit suicide.

She walked down the aisle, bursting with smiles. The veil and her bonnet combined couldn’t contain the outburst of joy on her face. He stood there, the guy who would spend eternity with her. He smiled too. She stepped onto the altar and looked at him. He was handsome, well built… a fine lad. She felt glee… Happiness attributed to the content that her parents have done enough justice to the belief she had in them- to have found her the perfect groom. Everything around her was pure magic and she felt ecstatic that this moment was just as she had dreamt. Perfect. All this to get beaten up, tortured, assaulted and feel deprived? Sounds wrong doesn’t it? Well, what is more wrong is that marital rape is not an offence punishable by law according to the Indian Penal Code.

It states that marital rape can only be punishable if the victim is under 16 years of age when the legal age for a woman to get married is 18. Such an age old legislation that is not even under consideration to be altered withal the idea of suppression leads to a situation where many cries of women have gone unheard of. The reason stated for not changing law with respect to this aspect, the reply given was that it would “weaken the institution of marriage”. Well if reporting marital rape would weaken it, I am startled if it was believed that upholding sexual assault would strengthen matrimony.

Well, what is more wrong is that marital rape is not an offence punishable by law according to the Indian Penal Code.

We all talk about ‘Mardaani’ and about how cool it is to be manly. Is it manly to assault and torture one’s wife for something as futile as sex? Is the woman you married just an instrument for pleasure and isn’t her respect supposed to be your priority? Is a woman supposed to be servile or is her life just to please you? Every woman has a say on everything that concerns her. Her body, soul and mind are hers alone and she has total independence over them just as anyone should. Anything apart from that independence is a violation that should be curbed for if a woman is not safe at home, how will she feel safe elsewhere?

So, if she consented to the marriage saying “I Do”, know that the “I Do” is not for anything and everything that is to follow.

Does it Even Really Matter?

Sex

Does it Even Really Matter?

I am supposed to be warning you that the following discussion is not safe for women, children and minors.

But here’s what I’ll tell you instead;

The discussion is not safe for people who aren’t open minded. (honest question,why is this topic taboo anyway?)

Sex.

Here, I said the word. And nothing happened, nobody punished me or anything. It is just like every other word. You just try saying it out and tell me if it feels any different.

This blog post is not going to be spicy (boo!). Nor is it going to be educational (yaay!). I am writing all this to know why sexuality is not looked upon as a personal preference but remains a topic which is only analysed in our imaginations.

There is no need to be discriminatory to a person just based on his/her sexuality, imagine somebody who wont let you sit next to them in a bus because you are wearing the wrong brand of jeans.

A person’s sexual preferences, just like a brand of jeans, remain his own choice which he doesn’t need to answer to anyone about.

In the country I live in, homosexuality is a myth which doesn’t exist, a disease which has been cured.

We try to make issues magically disappear by ignoring them.

It is a concept which most of us don’t understand, but that doesn’t mean it is a sin. Our ignorance of homosexuality is based on some points which really have to be discussed.

Our Laws:

Article 377 basically says that homosexuality is wrong while it really isn’t. Do we have a law which says sexual relations between a man and a woman is perfectly legal? We don’t.

Then why do we take up the responsibility of interfering with the private preferences of another set of human beings when it doesn’t really threaten us?. Here’s why:

We are afraid of differences.

Differences threaten us, they take us away from that orderly cocoon we built for ourselves.

A homosexual person is considered wrong not because we are under threat due to said person, it is because our cocoon gets threatened when it knows about such people.

We are scared, and that social fear translates to such laws which protect our un-informativeness.

Calling out “ah, gayyy!” at someone is not really funny. Even if #social #media tells you otherwise.

There are evil straight people and good gay people in this world. They are termed evil/good because of their sexuality deeds.

P.S: If god hated gay people as some of you claim, he wouldn’t have created them in the first place. So stop acting as if you have inside information on god’s opinion.

P.P.S: I am a straight person.